Unapologetically grasping for the ‘wit’ in ‘dimwitted’

We would like to say the ballots are in, but it was a mail-in election, so … never mind. The annual Red Hammer Dubious Achievement Awards, a hallowed tradition in these parts for well over a 50th of a century, are really subject only to the whims of B. Hammer, who is a fictional character, barely an editor and certainly not an auditor.  So it is what it is and here it comes:  The Hammer is happy to present once more, for the second year in a row, the extremely uneagerly awaited