Arse-Storia in the News: Everything possibly about, for, and of Astoria comes together in that recent story about the stolen yacht, Coasties swim rescue, and later charges related to “The Goonies” house. The only thing that could make it more Peak Astoria would be a structural failure of the Astoria Column and a crack in the vats at Fort George Brewery.  

We Didn’t Plan It This Way, But: There’s odd kismet in this week’s column about Old Boeing (facing page in the print) and the presence of a story about big-time layoffs of white-collar workers at the New Boeing (no relation). 

"Say Your Prayers": So very nice to see the Legendary Banked Slalom, a local tradition for a third of a century, back up and running at Baker. 

If It Pleases the Court (Or Even if it Doesn't): This ongoing peeing match between the Whatcom Prosecutor’s Office and incoming Judge Jonathan Rands is unbecoming to the court, and to taxpayer funds that support it. Is there no adult in the room at the Whatcom County Courthouse? 

And if Not: Can somebody call in an Adult Pro Tem from another county?

Important Public Announcement: For writers, media folks and others dealing with typefaces. Ace biz reporter Frank Catalano points out that there’s a specific website, “Get an Emdash,” at https://emdash.fan/, which … gets one an emdash. If you know, you know. If you don’t — never mind!

Just for the Record: And in honor of the State of the Union Speech: B. Hammer is not running for a second term, and if elected or appointed, will not serve. 

All Together Now: Raise your hand if you thought the Super Bowl should have been last weekend, and in fact rose early Sunday to do the chores and prepare the Lit'l Smokies well in advance. 

And Finally: Why, why, why did the words “Chinese spy-balloon incident” have to be combined together in the English language? Asking for several billion friends. 

The Hammer is swung on Wednesdays and strikes a blow online on Thursdays.