The Hammer

The (Spooky!) Hammer, Vol. XLI

Please adhere to the Prime (Bike Lane) Directive
October 26, 2022 at 5:00 a.m.

Executive Editor

OK, So Look: If God rode a bicycle, he/she/they would be living in the ‘Ham and commuting downtown daily on an e-rider, in a soggy Carhartt jacket.

No Question About It Really: Behind every driving (sorry, not sorry) political push-shove in the city, the principle of Promotion and Enhancement of Bike Lanes At Any/All Cost is the Prime Directive.

Not That This Is a Bad Thing: Unless said lightly populated lanes take away general flow of traffic, commerce and other stuff stubbornly necessary for capitalism and public life. We get it; it's the future! Moonbeams and toe clips, etc., etc.

Unless Possibly: If you’re a person living in a portable domicile down on Cornwall, where planned installation of bike lanes (meeting the urgent need for two-wheeled access to the waterfront, which already exists literally everywhere else on the waterfront, where the current prominent public feature is ... a bike track) is about to shove RV dwellers off-site and into other spaces and/or neighborhoods in the coming months. 

Just Saying: It’s all gotta be great news for the bike-commute industry, a thriving enterprise in these parts about four months out of the year. Praise be to the bipedalists!

Full Disclosure: Hammer has a bike, likes to bike, occasionally rides it around town and actually appreciates bike lanes due to the large number of automo-blowhards, etc., etc. But c’mon, folks. A little pragmatism goes a long way in public cred for planning processes — assuming that matters to anyone at the Lottie Street Public Funds Dispensary.

Speaking of Your Tax Dollars at Work: The unseemly spectacle of the Port of Bellingham’s thriving new waterfront industry — heavy (scrap) metal-scrunching, 24/7, right within sight/sound of sprouting condos, rich folks’ homes on South Hill, and soon, a “luxury boutique hotel” — went positively global this week when one of B. Hammer’s inspirations, acerbic comedian Lewis Black, dished on it via a note from a show attendee at the Mount Baker Theatre on Sunday, which was broadcast on the interwebs.

Proving that Once Again: We have an enduring penchant to make, and stay on, the big stage for all the wrong reasons. 

Couldn’t Help Notice: The Port’s public response to noise complaints about the Scrap Heap: Sorry/not sorry. Try earplugs! Always on the forefront of effective public communications, that group. 

Just For Balance Here: As our own pages demonstrate, tons of “spooky” faux-holiday activities around the NW corner this weekend, from drink specials to allegedly haunted-haunts guides. The Hammer is prepared to make famous the first local enterprise to put on a Spooky Tire Sale, Frightful Composting Class or Haunted Mental Health Seminar. Make our day.

The Hammer is swung on Wednesdays, or on other haunted special occasions.

Have a news tip? Email or Call/Text 360-922-3092



Register for email newsletters

* indicates required

Latest Stories

Cowboys extend home win streak to 14 with 41-35 win over Seahawks
Seattle couldn’t avoid a third consecutive loss to drop to .500

Mitch Marner has hat trick, shootout winner in Maple Leafs' 4-3 victory over Kraken
Seattle rallied in the third, with Tolvanen scoring off a rush

Bistro Estelle named in Esquire's 50 Best New Restaurants in America
Fairhaven restaurant serving French-inspired, new American cuisine opened in October 2022

Whatcom sheriff's early retirement to create brief leadership void
Council may appoint Sheriff-elect Donnell Tanksley to fill the 8-day gap

WWU battles persistent sewage leak affecting Outback Farm
Efforts continue to seal aging, leaking pipes in 60-year-old system