The Hammer

The Hammer, Vol. XI

The burning question of bike acreage keeps on rollin'
March 30, 2022 at 5:40 a.m.

Executive Editor

Big Local B'ham Controversy Brewing: About the burning question of bikes being allowed as part of the trail plan for the Hundred Acre Wood in South Bellingham. Allow The Hammer to play Solomon here and propose a solution: Maybe 50 acres for each?

We Would Say: This requires careful study by a select committee, but this is already in process.

Save the Email: Yes, it’s clear the Hundred Acre Wood, aka the Chuckanut Community Forest, is actually 82 acres. But that’s a separate problem.

All the While: It’s unseemly that people in the ‘Ham are even arguing about this given the larger pressing issue, which is that someone has just advertised an apartment in a new structure in Fairhaven for $4,500 a month. (More on this later when the retching ceases.)

Meanwhile, in Sports: Great relief throughout the state’s Northwest Territories as Gov. Jay Inslee, D-Deli Dill, finally signed the legislation establishing pickleball as the state’s official sport. Puts to rest any rumors about Paddleball and Tiddly Winks making a late-end run.

With the Signing: Pickleball joins other state icons, such as Palouse Falls as the state waterfall, the Olympic marmot as the state endemic mammal, Pete Carroll as the official state fossil, and — coming soon —  The Hammer as the state’s official Hammer, verbal division.

Speaking of Relics: The Seattle monorail turned 60 years old this week. And it still kind of works. 

In Its Honor: Hoist a toast southward sometime this week, especially if you’re old enough to remember when The Monorail did not terminate inside the Museum of Pop Culture, a structure widely known as the Wreck of the Partridge Family Bus.

If You’re Having Trouble Locating That: It’s a stone’s throw (not suggesting anything here) from the Dale Chihuly Outlet Mall and Museum of Self-Aggrandizement.

Sidling Up to the Statistical Bar: New guidance out this week about alcohol consumption. Old scientific conventional wisdom: One drink a day is actually good for your heart. New scientific conventional wisdom: It’s all bad for you.

New New Scientific Conventional Wisdom: Nobody in the history of the world has ever told the truth on the drinks-per-week study, so proceed accordingly.

It Ain’t the Golden Globes: The Hammer has spent a couple of days carefully mulling what happened at the Oscars on Sunday and now is prepared to pass important judgment, namely: Nothing good has ever come from watching the Oscars.

And Finally: Hate to end on a bummer, but the ongoing tragic Ukraine situation was sadly summed up by a Washington Post headline Tuesday about the ongoing “peace” talks: “Ukraine to negotiators: Don’t eat or drink at Russia talks amid poison concern.” 

The Hammer is swung on Wednesdays and updated as needed. 

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