The Hammer, Vol. X (b)

Important Breaking Urgent News: Bus(es) found. (See below.) The Hammer is not saying this is a conspiracy or anything — nor suggesting that Cascadia Daily News banner ads were actually never placed on the appropriate number of contracted buses as scheduled, until the merciless whining in this space lit a flame under someone over at the bus garage. But do the math, folks.

Seriously: The Hammer sez it here, it comes out there. The column below was posted on Wednesday and by Thursday morning, CDN-bannered WTA buses were as ubiquitous around the county as murder hornets at a May wedding in Blaine. Problem solved. Photos posted on social media. Compensatory CDN swag on the way.

Coincidence? We think not.

With This Newfound Power: The Hammer shall now move on to local problems of secondary import, such as keeping restaurant kitchens open past 8 p.m.; getting U.S. Rep. Rick Larsen on the record about something; and perhaps erecting some interpretive signage down at the Toxic Sludge Trail. Stay tuned.

Now back to previous business:

Not Quite Sure How to Say This, But: Our bus is missing. 

Well, Actually: It’s not our bus. But it’s kind of our bus. It’s a WTA bus, actually seven or eight of the same. They’re supposed to be out on the roads with a shiny, new “Cascadia Daily News” logo riding on one side.

Problem Is: The bus ads were supposed to debut March 14. From our downtown office perch, right above the WTA transit station, some of us while not engaging in hot debates over plural possessives have watched hundreds and hundreds of buses pass through, with colorful sideboards advertising local retailers, community colleges, health care things, attorneys and even trees and ladybugs. But no CDN.

Now We Can’t Decide Whether: A) we’ve been hornswoggled (doubtful); B) our eight buses were all the fancy all-electric ones, and all those sideboard signs are sitting in a maintenance shop or C) we are just, as usual, always in the wrong place at the wrong time.

And So Here We Are, Hat in Hand, Crowdsourcing: If you see our logo on a bus, and get a picture (without risking life or limb) and either tag us with a post on social media, or send it to newstips@cascadiadaily.com, we’ll make it worth your while with some Cascadia Daily News swag. Seriously, we will.

Meanwhile, Down in Seattle: The city, via a state grant, is poised to begin posting “driver report cards” at 13 intersections displaying weekly tallies of the percentage of drivers who properly stopped in front of a real or imagined crosswalk. Good luck with that, say all lifetime veterans of the state’s failed experiment in Keep Right Except to Pass Freeway Signage.

Daylight Navel Gazing Update: After the unexpected, and by all accounts surprise, Senate passage of the permanent Daylight Savings Time legislation last week, out of the woodwork came an Army of people arguing once again for the very worst possible solution to the changing-clocks debacle: Permanent Standard Time, which would lock us in the Upper Lefthand Corner into 3:30 p.m. winter sunsets and 4 a.m. summer sunrises.

Question: Are these people high?

Answer: Yes.

The Hammer Hates to Generalize, But: Every single one of those clock-stuck whiners is an old, retired crank who eats dinner at 4:30 p.m. This is an indisputable fact. Prove The Hammer wrong.

More About Vikings: Some of us tried to tell you here last week about the Western women’s basketball team becoming talk-of-the-town material by this week. The Hammer stands by his previous shameless boosterism and hereby extends it not only through Wednesday night, but the end of the week. 

Speaking of Progress: MacKenzie Scott’s $436 million donation to Habitat for Humanity is a big, big deal for a worthy organization. Anyone down in 206 want to match?

And Finally: Raise your hand if you thought in 1972 that The Outback, the backyard farm at Fairhaven College, would still be kicking out farm-fresh eggs 50 years later. But here they are, and there it is.

The Hammer is swung on Wednesdays and updated as needed.