The Hammer

The Hammer, Vol. XXII

Bellingham opens new Office of Office Openings
June 15, 2022 at 5:45 a.m.

Executive Editor

It Sez Here: The City of Bellingham, at the direction of Hizzoner Seth Fleetwood, is planning a new Office of Subdued Exciteable Approaches to Climate Change, aimed at getting somewhat more specific about increased specificity about how to spend millions in tax revenues possibly raised via a pending Climate Action Fund measure planned for the November ballot.

More on That: The mayor acknowledges that the office may not solve the world’s climate problems, but can serve as an example to other cities seeking to serve as examples to other cities likewise seeking to serve as examples to other cities that strive to combat global warming by creating a counterbalancing, and perhaps canceling, physical force of self-perpetuating bureaucracy, nature's most undeniable force.

It's a Natural Progression: When The Hammer was a young ball-peen, governments would wipe problems off the table by appointing big committees. But those got messy, so now they just open a new office and hire more staff.

Next Month: The city opens a new Office of Maximizing Parking Revenue Without the Burdensome Need of Hiring Parking Enforcement. 

Hate to Say We Told You So, But: The Doug Ericksen Memorial Overpass is a thing that will continue to be argued. Nothing wrong with that. Other than … the world does have some actual pressing problems, which The Hammer need not bother listing. 

OK Maybe Just This Once: That’s the main reason The Hammer weeks ago stopped yammering about the Original Oregon Wagon Trail Ruts (pending National Historical Rut Listing) on city streets on both sides of the Samish Way Interstate 5 interchange. 

Because If: One was to go on about something like that — and harp constantly about the manner in which said ruts say “Welcome to Bellingham, kiss your undercarriage goodbye!” — it would open the door to reasonable accusations of dwelling on first-world problems. And who wants to do that?

Speaking of Projecting Negative Energy Into the Universe: We’re not going to say the "spring" weather around here blows, but word from over at the Civic complex is that the Bellingham Bells franchise is on the verge of demanding a retractable roof for Joe Martin Field.

And if It’s Not Forthcoming? It’s only a matter of time before they threaten to bolt to greener pastures in Ferndale. 

Seriously, It Worked Out in Seattle: The Hammer was standing right there, in fact, when the new owners of the Seattle Mariners, World History’s Worst Pro Sports Franchise, saved the team from bolting to Tampa Bay, then promised decades of “championship baseball” if taxpayers would simply pony up a few hundred million (interest inclusive) to build Corporate Welfare Field down in Sodo. Some of us skeptics theorized that a permanent rent-free existence would prove to be a wet blanket on competitive zeal — not to mention a perpetual Curse of the Taxpayers, creating a perennial loser. (See: History).

And Finally: Happy to see all the smiling faces at outdoor graduations over the past weekend. The next gen’s got a big job, no thanks to the past gens. But they are capable, not to mention fueled by spite, humanity’s original motivator. Clear a path.

The Hammer is swung on Wednesdays and updated if needed. 

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