The Hammer

The Hammer, Vol. XXI

Straddling the great sausage/bacon divide
June 8, 2022 at 5:45 a.m.

Executive Editor

They're Going to Build an Imaginary Wall, and Y'all Will Pay for It: The Bellingham City Council, waist-deep in the goo of civic upset over dealing with the city's homeless problem, has doubled the size of a homeless shelter “Protection Zone” around the expansion-seeking Lighthouse Mission. Given the oppo to the expanded shelter there by folks in the Lettered Streets neighborhood, sounds like the first step is establishing who would be protecting whom and from what. Endless possibilities here. 

Climate Wars, Redux: Plenty of squawking on the same council this week about Hizzoner Seth Fleetwood's proposed Climate Action Fund, which aims to do some good for the environment and set an example for the world's lesser-enlightened cities, apparently. 

Problem Is: Good intentions noted, it's still a big, fat $60 million tax hike, viewed by many, including council members, as having a fuzzy payout and cost/benefit analysis. Prompting a response from Fleetwood that “The time is never going to be just right to do something like this.”

Sorry, Seth: But are you not sort of making their point there?

In the Interim, Up In Ferndale: The Hammer is staying out of the debate over the naming of an overpass near Interstate 5 after the late state Sen. Doug Ericksen. But as you can see on this very page, various other opinions abound. The process shall play out. Trust the process.

Speaking of Ferntucky: City leaders are pondering a new civic campus to replace the old City Hall, which is described as “bursting at the seams.” Local taxpayers are anxiously waiting to see whether the advertised $13 million price tag is for the seamless version, or something more pedestrian.

Looking Down South: Seattle's lava-hot housing market is cooling to the point that prices appear to be ranging back toward the “normal,” ($1.2 million for a Loyal Heights tear-down shack), The Seattle Times reported Tuesday. Look for the happy sellers to move in next door to you somewhere in the 'Ham any day now.

To Be Clear: The Hammer is not anti-Seattle immigrant. As someone who fled the former Jet City two decades ago on the premise that it'd just get more expensive, overcrowded and traffic-jammed, he's more just anti-Seattle in general. For those who've managed to escape: Good on ya.

This Week's Sad-Truth Headline: “Hopes for quick gun deal fade ... ” (Washington Post, June 7). Raise your hand if you've read that one before.

Vegetarian Content Warning: The following items contain vitriolic commentary about various pork and pork-like products. (The Hammer mildly regrets doing this during Vegan Restaurant Week, but shoot, it's breaking meat news.)

Meantime, Over on the Grill: A major U.S. sausage maker, name withheld in honor of pigs, has an ad campaign touting formed strips of sausage matter that they are passing off as near-bacon — or something even better. The ad oddly boasts that 25% of folks surveyed preferred the formed pork strips to bacon.

Excuse The Hammer for Asking: Doesn't that mean that three-quarters of testers thought the sausage product blows?

Even Worse: Aforementioned major sausage maker then cynically attempts to politically weaponize the bacon/sausage divide, concluding its ad by pointing out that “you can't spell sausage without USA,” and noting that extruded sausage strips are not only better than bacon, but “... possibly more American!”

Important Note: The Hammer would not make this up; nor does he frequently joke about something as serious as bacon. 

At Any Rate: It's almost enough to make this ball-peen-bearer want to advocate a global BOYCOTT OF JOHNSONVILLE, but that would be reactionary and probably ill-considered.

The Hammer is swung on Wednesdays and updated as needed.

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