The Hammer

Welcome to The Hammer

Advice: Don't be the anvil
January 23, 2022 at 12:10 p.m.

Executive Editor

Editor’s Note: World, meet the social-media-damaged alt-ego of CDN’s executive editor, who marks the rare occasion of a column's rebirth by quoting a recently deposed world leader: "We'll see what happens!"

Welcome to the Hammer: Sincerely, for all new folks. And welcome back, to old friends. Good to be back in the bite-sized news biz, after a too-long spell. Have we missed anything?

Seriously: Last time some of us met in pixel land or via ink, we were discussing the worker-last, profit-first spend thriftiness of a large aerospace firm, formerly of Seattle, which was in the midst of changing the industry by cranking up production to obscene levels on a tricked-out 737. How did all that turn out?

Ahem: Oh. Never mind.

Speaking of Corporate Tails Wagging Our Dog: Has anyone else noticed that we are now at a place where minor things such as a passenger plane knowing how far off the ground it is are now being sacrificed to ensure people can post their Wordle results online .075 seconds faster? Asking for several hundred million friends.

Just For Bio Purposes: The Hammer is a ball-peen, not a claw nor cross-peen (see: “if you have to ask ...”) It is typically used for striking punches and chisels, but for our purposes will be deployed primarily for probing, cajoling, shaming, etc.

Location, Location, Location: This column, newly unleashed from a brick-and-spackle building in downtown Bellingham, originally was scheduled to begin dispensing stunning insight many, many weeks ago. But there have been supply chain issues.

Now That the Arctic Blasts Have Waned: At least for the moment, The Hammer notes a plethora of potholes all over The City That Asphalt Forgot. We’re guessing this means that the any-minute-now project to fix the buckled, broken and jagged pavement at 36th Street and Samish Way, which contains original wagon-train ruts from a party that took a hard right turn at Washougal while navigating the Oregon Trail, has moved even further down the priority list.

Speaking of That: The Hammer, indefatigably dedicated to public service, has repeatedly contacted both state DOT and Bellingham road officials about this spine-crushing Gateway to the City near Exit 252. The state blamed the city. The city blamed … OK, you’re way ahead of us here.

Shrubbery Luggers, We See You: It did not escape The Hammer's notice that a work party on MLK Jr. Day, to restore habitat around Squalicum Creek, was a "sellout," with all available volunteer spots filled in advance of last Monday's holiday. Total peak Bellingham right there.

Meanwhile in the Lesser Washington: The Biden administration (motto: "Not the Carter Administration —  Just Yet") is poised to send out 400 million N95 masks for free to U.S. residents starting next week, the catch: They all have to go through the FedEx Burlington dispatch center, then navigate the Interstate 5 whitewater rapids stretch near Lake Samish. 

Also, Wait Just a Sec: Is this in addition to the other 400 million used ones already bobbing around in the stormwater catch basin out by Costco?

Wherefore Art Thou, Suzan?: Ahem. Quick check of the proposed redistricting map shows that Whatcom County might be erased completely from the 1st Congressional District occupied by Suzan DelBene, D-Nowhere Near Whatcom County. Does she not like IPAs?

To Be Totally Honest: If she truly doesn't, The Hammer sort of wants her back.

There, We Said It: Way past time for the anti-IPA movement to take hold in the local brew houses. Who's with us?

Seriously: Anyone? Bueller? (Crickets.)

By the Way: We're all in favor of promoting young talent. But are we really sure newly appointed State Sen. Simon Sefzik, R-Ferndale, can adequately represent the 42nd District if he doesn't have a driver's license? That Olympia commute can be a killer on Greyhound.  

We Kid the Kid: And wish him best of luck and many happy hearings.

We Interrupt This Column To: Go get a COVID-19 test at the airport. Back in a few weeks.

And Finally: Thanks for swinging with The Hammer on its inaugural new run. A fresh volume will appear here every week — and soon, in print  — on Thursdays. But check back often because things in this space will change when the mood strikes.

The Hammer appears on Wednesdays and is updated throughout the week as needed.
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