The Hammer

The Hammer, Vol. XXIX

Canadian privacy rights slipping away, bit by Timbit
August 3, 2022 at 5:00 a.m.

Executive Editor

O, Canada: It’s no secret that B. Hammer is a fan of the Canadian coffee/donut colossus Tim Hortons, which as we all know is basically Dunkin’ Donuts with a strategically placed maple leaf. We are so enamored, in fact, that not long ago, this page offered to trade the entire burg of Point Roberts for one or two functional Tim’s franchises in the greater Bellingham metroplex.

Alas: This has not occurred. And just as well given the news of the week.

Namely: As restitution for a class-action suit over Tim Hortons’ use of its phone app as a possibly nefarious tracking device, the baked-good giant has offered a settlement of removal of some location data stored via its app, along with: one (1) free hot drink and one (1) free baked good. 

Seriously: We are not making that up. It raises all sorts of questions, including: Can Canadians really be bought for a cup of coffee and a donut? (A: Apparently, yes, if courts approve). And: What if one prefers to take their settlement in Timbits? How many donut holes equals satisfactory payment for your freedom from the prying, spying eyes of Corporate Canada? Etc. 

We’ll Get Back to You on That: When the print papers get across the border, probably a week from Thursday.

Meanwhile, Down at Post Point: (The five magic words we know Hizzoner at COB HQ loves to see introduce any item.) The city has signed a $700,000 consulting contract to launch, among other helpful consultation stuff, community “outreach” about its future activities down at the poop plant, which we apparently have long mistakenly assumed was in the business of intake

And Speaking of Planet Poop: The Hammer still believes that CDN image of Mayor Seth engaged in deep thought deep in the, uh, bowels of the city waste treatment facility is by acclaim an early front runner in the Dukakis-In-Tank-Throwback Photo Contest, surely soon to be announced by someone, somewhere.

You’re Way Ahead of Us Here: Winner gets one free hot drink and one free donut from … 

Perhaps Someone Like: Eric Johnston, the city public works manager, who in the process of describing the above-mentioned $700K “outreach” program offered up the soon-to-be-immortal words: “Fortunately, we don’t eat biosolids.”

To Which Several Mutts at the Post Point Dog Park Snapped: Speak for yourself, friend.

The Hammer is swung on Wednesdays and updated as needed. See an extended version of The Hammer online at

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