The Hammer

The Hammer, Vol. XV

Something clearly has been lost in translation
April 27, 2022 at 5:45 a.m.

Executive Editor

Google, Please Translate: We know local government types deal with a lot of clunky program titles, and acronyms are a way of life. But can someone please translate the following note on a PowerPoint slide from Bellingham first responders, during a City Council Public Safety Committee meeting in February? (Zoom spelunking credit here to CDN Staff Reporter Ralph Schwartz): 


Seriously: That happened. The Hammer is not even remotely capable of being able to make that up.

We'd Like to Say: You had to be there, but honestly, you should be happy to know that whatever you were doing at the moment was a lot more stimulating.

This Just In from the (Bad) Situation Room: CNN+ is out of business. (Chris Wallace throws up hands in resignation.)

Serious Followup: Wait; was it ever in business?

Meanwhile, Over on Lottie Street: Hizzoner Seth Fleetwood, commenting on the proposed $60 million, 10-year, Bellingham Takes on Climate Change tax, says this: “This is a heavy lift for the community. What is most important, from my perspective, is simply that we have a meaningful, dedicated Climate Action Fund by some means, and this is the means that we’re proposing at this time.”

Not Exactly: A good tax-measure campaign theme. As in dinner table convo: “Honey, did you see that Saab parked downtown with the “This Is the Means We’re Proposing at This Time!” bumper sticker?”

Is It Just Us Or: Is that the epitaph for a public measure that garners 41% of the vote and a later sad lament from elected folks: “Well, we tried!”

Hang On To Your Wallets: On the same subject, council member Kristina Martens warned: “Looking at all the funds needed for the recommendation in the Climate Action Plan to get us to 2050, it’s a little bit north of a billion dollars.”

On the Plus Side: That’d only cost the owner of an average Bellingham view home with an assessed value of $20 million an extra annual allotment of about … oh, hell, who is The Hammer kidding about even being able to do this math? Someone figure it out and get back to us.

Actual Tuesday Newsroom Conversation: "Would you watch 'The Real World: Lynden?' What about, 'Naked and Afraid: Everson?'"

Answers, In Order: Oh sure, and no way.

And Finally: Everyone at CDN is excited about their first encounters with the new Downtown Ambassadors, who are going to be patrolling downtown city streets acting as sort of eyes/ears for law enforcement, helping people with tasks such as parking, and generally putting a pleasant face forward to downtown visitors — sort of like conflict-de-escalation concierges. Among our first proposed questions to said Ambassadors: “What’s the deal with Sadighi’s?”

The Hammer is swung on Wednesdays and updated as needed. 

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